This is a hard post to write. I'm still reeling from the events of the past few days. 

I had originally planned to watch the counting of the Electoral College to see just what would transpire with the different Senators and Congressmen/women vowing to object to certain states. I still didn't understand how they could object to states they weren't residents of, and they were only objecting to the presidential race votes. Seems to me if a ballot was fraudulent for that race, it was fraudulent for every race, including local races. But, no-one seemed to understand that.

When the barriers were breached, I called my sister who lives 350 miles away and together we watched in disbelief as more and more protestors stormed the building. Where were the Capitol police? The intelligence agencies had known this was possible for days and had offered help from the federal government, yet to all appearances, it was turned down. As scenes showed windows being broken and doors shattered, my sister and I both grew more horrified. This was not a peaceful protest anymore. This was now a full-blown riot, incited by our President himself.

Some people later just said they were caught up in the moment. Others couldn't believe they were being arrested. I heard one woman say that "I just wanted to hang the flag from the scaffolding!" But, you went behind barriers that were there to protect the building and its occupants.

A fellow blogger I've never met wrote a post to his blog and I've asked if I could share it. I'm only going to quote a little of it here, but I'm including the link to his blog so that you can read the entire post. It says it so much better than I can.

    "...I no longer recognize our country and I no longer recognize some in my own family and many friends who continue to stand by him, too blinded by the lies told to them by Trump and brainwashed by conservative media. You disappoint me for being the easy marks you are...There's a cancer spreading in our society that feeds off of conservative media and is then spread on social media platforms as people give life to the cancer with their lies and easily debunked conspiracies. It has spread to the highest levels of our government. There can be no unity among us until the purveyors of the sustenance the cancer feeds off of stop with the endless drip of lies, conspiracies, fear, and hate that they broadcast. That's the only cure for this but sadly, I don't see that happening. There are billions of dollars to be made off these fools and we're all paying the price for their gullibleness and stupidity."

You can read the entire blog post by clicking here. I'm not sure I've done the link right. It worked for me so hopefully it will work for you.

A couple of things made me feel better when the sessions resumed in the evening. My estimation of Vice-President Pence increased 3000%. He stood up to the President and the others who had been pressuring him to just announce that he was rejecting the entire Electoral College votes and the election. I also admired those is Congress who changed their minds over objecting to the results in the states they were going to protest. 

There has now been some fallout for those protesting in Congress. Josh Hawley from Missouri, who I understand is a presidential hopeful for 2024 has lost a book deal. He is now claiming that his free speech has been violated. Really? No-one has said he can't write the book, Simon and Schuster has just decided not to publish it.

I was also proud of both of my senators, and I don't say that lightly. I mostly disagree with just about everything Tom Cotton says, because he has been one of the President's most ardent supporters. But he and John Boozman both denounced the "protest" and declined to object to the election results. Unfortunately, my representative, Rick Crawford, did not and continued to vote against the results in Pennsylvania.

So many people are afraid of the next four years, saying we're going to be turning into a  Socialist country. Unfortunately I think the hatred and vitriol will continue for awhile. I just keep remembering what Rodney King said after the LA riots "Can't we all just get along?". We all need to remember we are Americans, not Republican or Democrat, but Americans, and we're better than this!

To Mask or Not to Mask, That is the Question

I want to tell everyone a story, and it may just change some minds regarding wearing face masks in stores, and in public. My governor today announced that face masks must be worn in public. This is the same governor that did not issue shelter in place orders when the pandemic first began. But, that's not the story I want to tell.

My husband was hospitalized on November 15, 2019. He had COPD, emphysema, bronchiectasis, and bacterial pneumonia. The bacteria he had was pseudomonas, which is contagious, but can be treated with various antibiotics. His strains only responded to four different ones, so those were rotated.

Once the diagnosis of pseudomonas was made, anyone entering his hospital room had to, at the least, wear a protective gown. All staff also had to wear gloves, and if I was helping do something, I too had to wear gloves. And then came COVID-19.

After the first case arrived at his hospital, all visitors were required to wear masks and have a temperature check before entering the hospital. I was at the hospital every day, sometimes staying overnight if his condition warranted, other times flying down the road in the middle of the night after getting a call from the ICU nurse telling me to come fast. Each time I arrived at the hospital, I had to wear a mask from the time I left my car until I returned to my car. The only time it could be removed was when I was eating.

As more COVID cases presented, the hospital started restricting visitors. The only exceptions made were in the ICU units, where my husband was. No other visitors were allowed in the hospital. I had to give my name at the front desk and the attendant had to call the unit to make sure I could go up. The only other places in the hospital I was allowed was the ICU waiting room, if I had to leave his room for a procedure, the cafeteria to get meals to go, and the bathroom down the hall. Other than that, I had to stay in his room. I could not even let someone give me a day off and take my place, or wait in the waiting room so we could take a break every 2 hours. It was me or no visitors.

My husband was on a vent, with a tracheostomy, a feeding tube in his stomach, a central line in his neck after all of his other veins rejected IVs, a catheter, and all of the other heart, lung monitors stuck to him. But, that's not the real story I want to tell either.

I tell all of you this because I was my husband's voice and the hospital understood this. After the first 3 months, they knew that he depended on me to be his voice...and they made an exception for me to be there for him in the midst of the pandemic. The gift shop closed, Starbucks closed, no elective surgeries or doctor appointments, the hospital was a ghost town. Yet, every morning I was able to stop at his door, don my gown, grab a new mask if necessary and tell him good morning. The nurses had even told me that if the visitation situation changed again, they would tell me not to go home that night, so I made sure I had a few days of clothes with me and medications needed.

The first part of May, face shields were added for all hospital personnel, whether they were in contact with COVID patients or not. I asked if I should start being more concerned and was assured that it was just a new requirement for nursing staff.

On day 181 of the hospitalization, my husband peacefully passed away. I was able to be by his side, singing his favorite hymn to him as he slipped away.  I was so grateful that he got to know that I was there and he didn't have to die alone.

Fast forward now. My brother-in-law, who did not leave his house without a mask, didn't go anywhere except to the dr., is in ICU, on a vent, with COVID-19. His wife, my sister-in-law who just lost her brother, can't be with him. The last time she saw him was July 1 when the EMTs carried him out of the house, for an unrelated reason. He is in critical condition, and there is a chance he may not make it. He is 78 years old, my husband was 77.

Put yourself in these positions. Is it worth it to wear a mask to protect your family members? So what if you don't have symptoms? My brother-in-law didn't have symptoms either! 

The masks are uncomfortable, you say? Sure they are, and the skin on my face has paid the price of wearing them. So what? I'm not so vain that I can't deal with a little acne breakout! At my husband's memorial service this past week-end, everyone had to wear a mask or not come into the church. Did anyone turn around and walk away? No!

Those arguments aren't enough? OK, how about this one. You want or need to shop at Walmart, or Kroger, or Target, or Kohl's. Or you want to enjoy some coffee at Starbucks. But, they all have mask policies now. But it's your right to shop there, and no-one is going to tell you you can't, right? How about the gay couple that wanted to buy a cake at the best bakery, but were told no, by the bakery, because it was against their beliefs...and the government upheld those beliefs. Yet, these stores today have the right to set this policy and the government, mainly by state mandates, are upholding the right of the store to set this policy. Now you are the one on the other side of the equation.

Folks, we can't have it both ways. Your "right" to not wear a mask, doesn't trump the stores "right" to set a policy that they believe protects their employees and other consumers. You don't have to wear a mask, but you do have to accept the consequences of not doing so. You can still shop online and do curbside pickup, or have things delivered. 

I will continue to wear a mask, not only to protect me, but to protect you from me. No, I don't have the virus, but I won't take a chance with your life or mine.

As always, this is just my opinion, which I am entitled to, just as you are entitled to yours. These are not "official" facts, but situations that I have been/am dealing with. 

Is History Repeating Itself?

Haven't been here for quite awhile, life gets in the way. But, some recent political events have me wondering.

With all of the Democratic candidates, including top tier ones, dropping out of the race to endorse Joe Biden, history does repeat itself. Just a few short years ago, out of all the democrats vying for the nomination, all of them threw their support to Hillary Clinton. And how did that turn out?

Is the same thing happening again? They say they are supporting Biden to stop Sanders, which may well be. But, I'm thinking that they are just giving the election to Trump again. The three that "gave up/in" today were all top tier candidates, with Tom Steyer recently joining the group. 

It will be interesting to see if Bloomberg and Warren also give in. If that happens, I think the election for Democrats will be doomed.

I am not a Democrat or Republican, but an American who is afraid of the direction this country is going. I'm also a Christian, who disagrees with a lot of what Christians are now promoting. It's certainly not what the Jesus I know would be wanting them to do...but that's another post for another time.

Memorial Day, Saying Goodbye, Remembering One Gone Too Soon

As you can see by the title, this is a combination post. I know, I know, I could have broken it up into 3 different posts, but why do that when one long one will suffice. 

I remember when Memorial Day was called Decoration Day. It was the day for families to adorn the graves of fallen family members who gave their lives in war. And it was a time of getting together, not for cook-outs and parties, but to meet at the cemeteries.

My grandmother was "keeper of the graves" and it was very special to go with her. We would start at one and be there early enough for the American Legion 21 gun salute. It was a solemn ceremony and we were delighted that we could police the brass shell casings that were ejected and take them home to Dad. My great-uncle was killed in WW! at the age of 17 or 18. I can't remember now without looking it up for sure. He lied about his age to enlist. I don't remember if the graves were adorned with flags from the Legion in those days, but Grandma also planted fresh flowers and took away the dead and cleared the weeds, while we roamed the cemetery reading other gravestones. Could be why my sister and I still like going to cemeteries, whether we know anyone buried there, just to read the headstones. I could relate more cemetery stories, but that may wait for another post.

We would then move to other cemeteries until we had cared for all of the family graves. I seem to remember that there was a parade in town that started at the town square and made it's way to the town cemetery. It wasn't much of a parade, mainly the American Legion Color Guard and a few followers. The same solemn ceremony was performed and then it was over. But, it wasn't the same as the early one, more people and too late in the morning. The one barely after sunrise was much more moving.

So, on the Memorial Day, don't thank those serving now, or the ones living who served. They have their days. Honor the fallen. Go to the local cemetery, even if you don't know anyone there and walk among the stones with flags beside them. Their headstone may tell a story that our history books are slowly eliminating and our children don't understand. And after you've paid your respects, then enjoy your parties and friends.

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i said goodbye to a friend of more than 30 years yesterday. No, she didn't pass on, she and her husband are moving to North Carolina and this is moving week. I had been dreading this day, ever since I knew the move was a done deal. 

She and her husband came by for a visit yesterday and it was good talking to them, but the tears started with the first hug, went away, came back with the final hugs and the visit ending with all 4 of us in a group hug for prayer.

Even though we didn't seem to be close friends, we knew we were there for each other and if possible, could drop everything at the drop of a hat and go help the other. She was a great comfort to me when my brother-in-law passed away. I remember sitting in her living room sobbing with her holding me, not saying a word. I remember helping her care for herself after she had surgery and couldn't do it alone and her husband on the road with his truck. It's funny, we tend to think that nudity, especial with older women, is something that shouldn't be talked about, or even seen, but we both thought nothing about me helping her in and out of the shower and drying her off. That's just what friends do. We could talk about anything, we sang together, her lovely soprano with my alto, around the piano and the guys chiming in. Good times!

I so happy for them. This is the first time in a very long time that they have been able financially to purchase a house. And they moved to be closer to a man they consider a father. I understand that, but my selfish self wants her here. They'll be back this way at times, and who knows, maybe we'll end to North Carolina sometime, or meet somewhere in the middle. But for now, my heart hurts for me, but is happy for them.

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It will be a year on Tuesday that my ex-husband passed away suddenly, killed in a freak accident mowing his yard...on Memorial Day. Even though we were divorced, we do have kids together and we made a conscious effort not to bad mouth the other parent around the kids. As we grew older, we became the friends we should have been while we were married. We spent some holidays together, with our current spouses, and when the grandkids started coming, birthday parties and graduations.

He was very concerned with my husband's deteriorating health and offered to accompany us on our twice yearly trips to the Mayo Clinic in Florida to help with the driving. It wasn't until this year, the year my husband nearly died and is still very weak, that I wished he was still here. I probably would have taken him up on it!

It still doesn't seem real that he's gone and I think it's because he was cremated as soon as his organs were harvested and we didn't get to see him for it to sink in. He did have a very nice memorial service in his hometown in Illinois with family and friends freely sharing memories of him. And it was nice to re-connect to them.

I had a moment not long ago when I was thinking about a person we knew when we were younger, but I couldn't remember where we met him, if it was here or another base. And my thought was, I can call Gene and ask him. Except, I couldn't call him. I've also yelled at him at times, when our son needed help financially. That was something we were sharing the responsibility with, and now it falls to me. I know that's selfish, but that's how I feel sometimes.

I'm sure the kids are going to have a hard time tomorrow, as will his widow, She's having his ashes buried in the National Cemetery near his hometown in Illinois. I think it hurt our daughter that he will be so far away and harder to visit, but, it's an honor he's eligible for and that's what his widow wants to do.

This ends this long and overdue post for this blog. Thanks for reading it, if you made it to the end. And if you didn't, for the part that you did read. I'm going to try to update this more often. Since I do another blog chronicling my husband's transplant journey this one seems to get pushed away. And some of this stuff goes in my personal handwritten journey, But, I'll try to do better. And then again, maybe not. Anyway, thanks for readying.

Egos and Lies

I watched the Presidential news conference yesterday and was quite surprised when President Trump called on CNN's reporter Jim Acosta, especially knowing the animosity the white house has for him.

When Mr. Acosta started to ask his question about the migrant "caravan", the President interrupted him and started to berate and denigrate Mr. Acosta. He did not let him finish his question and resorted to calling him names, including what a terrible person he was. 

When an intern attempted to take the microphone from the reporter, he pulled back and held on to it. The confrontation was very painful to watch. And as the President called on another reporter, Peter Alexander, he continued his tirade against Mr. Acosta. To Mr. Alexander's credit, he stood behind his fellow reporter.

Several other times during the long press conference, the President interrupted almost every question, and even called some questions completely racist, when in fact they were not. He was asked about the two Muslim women who were elected to Congress and went on a long rambling comment about the unemployment rates of minorities and how the minorities love him

This morning I read that Mr. Acosta's press credentials have been revoked because, as Press Secretary Sarah Sanders put it, he "laid hands on an intern for just trying to do her job". 

I am disheartened also from reading comments on this situation condoning the blatant lie now coming out of the white house. What press conference did these people watch? Certainly not the one I watched! Mr. Acosta was not in any way, shape or form disrespectful in this question, nor in his failure to relinquish the microphone. As he gestured with his empty hand, the touched the arm of the intern and immediately apologized. 

I am ashamed of this administration for again deliberating lying to the public. Do they think we are totally stupid? I guess they must since they keep doing it. I am also disheartened by Ms. Sanders, who was raised in my state, by a Christian minister father. Her actions definitely don't reflect my Christian values.

Is our country so divided that we will never get back to unity? What does the rest of the world think of us? I've seen so many reports from other countries that we are now the laughingstock of the free world. We have alienated our closest allies. By taking the stance of nationalism above all else puts us in a dangerous situation. Have we gotten so far from recent history to see that this parallels what happened in Germany? Many say that it is the democrats who are perpetuating socialism, yet the former administration did not break ties with our allies.

I said from the start of this administration that I feared for our country. That fear is growing and being borne out every day. There is so much anger, on both sides, that I fear we will never be whole again. 

Yesterday was a very sad day for our country, and not because of the election results in the mid-terms. It was a blatant display of ego that will not benefit our country.

Changing MY Tide

I've never been very outspoken. In fact, I'm one who will keep the peace, sometimes at a great cost, just to avoid conflict. But, I've been changing. Maybe it's just due to aging and seeing things in a different light. Maybe I've just come into my own since having to be more assertive to be an advocate for my husband. Maybe I'm just tired of crap. 

I've always been afraid to comment on a Facebook post if my viewpoint differed from the poster's, or the other commenters.  Part of that stems from my general nature, part from posting a comment and getting blasted for it. But, I've started to change that, especially if the posts are unfair, or just plain false. And, as far as being blasted, another commenter on a post last night, totally misinterpreted my comment and went into a long, detailed, totally off into a different direction to prove me wrong. Instead of just scrolling by and remaining silent, I replied, clarified my statement and went on my merry way. As of last check, there had been no rebuttal.

I've also decided that I'm tired of people who seem to have no goal in life but to spread lies and rumors, whether on or offline. I actually feel sorry for these people. They must not have much joy in their lives, or interests to occupy them. Some of these people I've know from high school, including teachers. I know that we each are entitled to our opinion, but that leads to another problem. It seems that if we don't agree with the poster, we don't count. I've seen family members get very angry and unfriend people, just because they had a different opinion. They were also told not to post stuff like that on their page. So, it seems that people only want to hear from like-minded people. Maybe because they are afraid that their view might not be totally true. What has happened to agreeing to disagree?

I'm especially disturbed by people I know to be good Christians, living a Christ like life, unless it comes to politics, social programs, the poor, human rights, and many other conditions. I have seen posts that don't show their Christianity at all. People who don't know them would have a hard time seeing them as Christians, and that might make a difference in whether they wanted to be a Christian if they are not already saved.

So, at least online, I'm going to call people out for untrue posts, especially if they can be verified easily. And who knows, maybe it will spill over into "real" life. I was asked not long ago what I thought about our President. My only comment was that I feared for our country. And I do. I would also feel that way if the other candidate had won. The direction our country is headed has me very concerned. We are going to isolate ourselves from the world and then our country will cease to exist as a world power. We are well on the way to that.

There are so many other issues that need addressing, and I'm just one person. But like the old camp song says, it only takes a spark to get a fire going. If enough scared, timid people like me start speaking up, maybe we can salvage what's left of our country.

So, if you're tired of it too, start speaking your mind, whether it will be popular with others. If nothing else, it will make you feel better, it sure did me!

Gun Control Post Las Vegas

It's been a while since I've been here. There have been so many things I have wanted to say, but didn't say them. But, after the shootings in Las Vegas, a friend posted something on Facebook that really struck home with me. I don't have it where I can post it verbatim, or give proper attribution, but the gist of it is:

If 59 people died and 500+ were injured in a fire at Mandalay Bay, we would be having a discussion about how to increase fire safety so that this would never happen again. If 59 people died and 500+ were sickened by food poisoning at a concert venue, we would be having a discussion on how to increase food safety. If a tanker truck crashed on I-15 in Las Vegas and 59 people died and 500+ were injured we would be having a discussion on how to increase highway safety so that it would never happen again. It isn't "political" to ask how we can increase gun safety so that this doesn't happen again. Why can we not have that discussion?

Is the NRA and gun lobby groups so much more powerful than our congressmen and women? Are our representatives so corrupt across the board now that money and power and re-election all they care about? Our second amendment rights will not be taken away if we just use some common sense, and I don't understand why legal gun owners wouldn't jump at the chance to make things easier to keep guns from certain persons. We don't allow anyone to own and drive a vehicle, yet no-one complains about having to have a license to operate one, pass a competency test, insure it against accidents, and operate it in a responsible manner. So why are legal gun owners so afraid of some common sense gun control measures? Why does anyone need an assault weapon for home protection? A shotgun works just as well, and makes a lot more noise.

My father was a gunsmith, gun dealer and a lifetime member of the NRA. I'm glad he's not alive to see what that organization has turned into. To my knowledge, Dad did not own a handgun. He said there was only one reason for that and that was to kill another person. Long guns were used for hunting and sport shooting. He was a master trap shooter, as was, and is, is youngest brother. I asked Mom once what they told us as kids to keep us from bothering with Dads guns. She said they told us nothing, we knew they were his and we were not to touch them without his permission or presence. They were not locked up, they were not stored loaded. We knew where the ammo was kept and if there wasn't enough, we knew how to load shells. Yet we never touched it without Dad's permission.

When my son was small, his dad's guns were hung on an open rack above his bed, yet he never touched them. We also did not tell him not to do it, they were not his to touch. That's one thing that bothers me so much when I hear of a child killing a sibling or themselves with a loaded handgun that was kept for protection. Why was the gun where it could be reached by a child?

Isn't it about time we have some kind of discussion about the types of guns citizens need? Only law enforcement and military need assault rifles. The adapters for the stocks that this man legally purchased effectively made his weapons automatic continuous fire. Why does any normal citizen need these? He passed all of the background checks when he legally purchased the weapons, yet the gun dealer, a legitimate dealer who followed all the rules, was not able to tell that somewhere in this man, was a monster planning a massacre. 

There will not be any easy answers, but the conversation must start somewhere before we are mourning the deaths of many more innocent people, who just wanted to enjoy a concert. 

Those are my thoughts and I don't have any answers, but maybe someone somewhere will read this and think that there is something that can be done.